Kids gotta learn early that it's political bribes and payoffs that run this country! St. Paul is now requiring all youngsters that wish to operate any sort of refreshment stand to buy a $60 vendor license. "You gotta grease those palms with the cold hard cash before you'll be selling pop around here kiddo! Stop crying and wipe your nose! This is Amahreeka! You gotta pay to play!" In other news, city parks will begin introducing swing tolls next month...

From the immense intellect of these modern times, California governor candidate Arnold Schwarzenegger comments on the controversial issue of gay marriage: "I think gay marriage should be between a man and a woman." From defective yeti

What are you? Are you a liberal pinko commie or a conservative religious zealot? Take the World's Smallest Political Quiz and find out.

A good laugh for Monday; especially if you are looking for a job. The Morning News - The Non-Expert: Defenestrate Your Résumé! "Most companies automatically forward résumés of two-pages or longer to Popeye’s Chicken, so be sure to confine things confided to a single sheet. If you are having trouble getting everything to fit, try narrowing your margins, reducing your font to 7, or getting rid of the ‘deadweight’ by eliminating your education or omitting the nouns."

Drink to your health! Scientists report that a chemical in red wine may contribute to longer life. The chemical mimics an affect caused on the body due to calorie restriction. "The chemicals are designed to mimic the effect of a low-calorie diet, which is known to lengthen the life span of rodents. Scientists involved in the research say human life span could be extended by 30 percent if people respond to the chemicals the way rats and mice do to low calories." They think that this is a biological response to lean times that allowed animals to live long enough to reproduce.